So, yeah… You’re probably wondering why the heck I’m writing something that could even hint at death… First off: no, I’m not dying nor am I suicidal (just to get any of those notions out of the way). It’s just something I feel the need to think about right now.
As to that last point: It is my personal opinion that whatever you do or say or read or anything else should make you think (if it’s goal is to make you think a certain way you should probably avoid it, though). Furthermore, I think that a person is being told something or nudged to think about it when they come upon a subject over and over again (even more so when it is something as taboo, hush hush, and a general part of life as death).
So, I’ve come across deathly thoughts a lot in the past month or so. Nobody has died in my personal life but I have heard of a lot of friends who have had loved ones die or go through life threatening surgery. I’ve come to the conclusion that the next time I see one of my grandfathers may very well be at his funeral or somebody in his family’s funeral. It’s just the very sad state of life centering around familial difficulties. I’ve heard a lot of songs, read a lot of thoughts and chapters of a book (Uncle Tom’s Cabin is a brilliant book, by the way) that deal with death.
So, a list with minor comments:
- Uncle Tom’s Cabin (Eva, the 7 yr. old daughter of a cruel woman and a kind hearted man, who is an absolute angel and has a beautiful heart, dies of a terminal illness. She is at peace. Then her father finds a love in God that he hadn’t come to accept until after his dear daughter’s death. Soon after, he is killed breaking up what would have been a very lethal bar fight. The mother, who is very self centered, cruel and woe is me, lives on.)
- If I Die Young by The Band Perry (An absolutely beautifully done song. Confronts a state of mind and being that I think is mostly avoided in modern western society.)
- The whole thing with my grandfather (I can’t go into details for privacy’s sake)
- I have had a friend who has told me she hates her life recently (That’s a hard one to think about… She is in a position where she no longer feels that way, though. Even though it was at the expense of a lot of people’s feelings)
- My Dad told me that he honked at a person on the road until they went into the intersection and almost had the left side of their vehicle taken off (He doesn’t honk at people anymore)
- I’ve been told that I could possibly have rheumatoid arthritis which is debilitating (I don’t, Thank God. But the fact that I was so at peace with that possibility astounded me.)
- A good friend of mine’s grandmother had to have heart surgery (She’s doing fine as far as I know but I’m sure that was scary. I think a lot of why she did so well with the surgery is because of prayers and her knowing that she still had work to do on Earth.)
- Another friend’s Grandmother died in a car wreck (His mom blames herself for the wreck and she, herself suffered spine damage)
- The Book Thief by Markus Zusak (It’s a brilliant book. It’s written from the point of view of Death. Not the Grim Reaper really but same basic idea. He’s tired and it’s set during WWII. I won’t give away the ending even though it would make everything make more sense 😛 )
- There’s a million other things I could list but I won’t because I think I’ve made my point to myself.
So, another question that might arise is why the heck I felt the need to put “Peaceful Macabre” in the title… Isn’t that an oxymoron? Not in my book.
Peaceful means “of peace”. Peace means “a state of tranquillity or serenity”.
Macabre means “of, pertaining to, dealing with, or representing death” OR “of or suggestive of the allegorical dance of death”.
I personally think Macabre gives the thought more justice than “deathly” because Macabre sounds nobler and seems to have more weight to it and it also has the artistic aspect of the Dance of Death. Peace is what I personally strive for and it is my personal belief that one can only reach complete and total peace and tranquility after death, through belief in the Love of Christ Jesus and Our Father. One can find temporary peace in this world (I have faith that it still comes from The Holy Ghost, though) through meditation, prayer and love. So, really, Death and Peace go hand in hand.
So, now you know my view of how death and peace are synonymous (if you believe in the afterlife and the love that I do).
So, when I die (If that’s another hour or another 100 years)- I would want a wake. I would want everyone to know that I was at peace and if I was in pain before than I am no longer in such a state. I would want people to read what I write (I know… It’s kind of self gratifying but it’s true). I would want my diary read. I would want anyone mentioned in my diary to be able to read it. I would want anybody I have ever wronged to know that I really am truly sorry. I would want anyone who has ever thought they have wronged me to know that I forgive them. I would want people to be happy and to know that I had accomplished the work I had on this Earth and was now Home. I would want anybody to know that the reason I got through my work on this Earth was because of the love of the God I have faith in and because of the love and faith that I had because of The Trinity.
So, my question is- What would you say if you were to die tomorrow (because the day you die will inevitably be a tomorrow)?
I know this is really usually a taboo subject… But, I don’t care. I think it’s important to think about. Me and my insane interest in religion and faith believe that it helps you to know what exactly you believe in better. I believe that people die as a consequence of one of two things: They give up or their work is done. It doesn’t really come down to what kills them. A fall off a roof for example- If their work on Earth isn’t done then I don’t think God will let them die unless they give up. If their work IS done then I think they will be at peace with death and will go Home. I’ll go when it’s my time but I’m not going until He takes me. Does that make sense?
Now, I bid you adieu for the day. I’m tired. I’ve had a wonderful day at my cast director’s house, cleaning and keeping the sister busy with the brother and the very special friend of mine (Let’s suffice to say that I’m really insanely happy and enjoyed being closer to a kid then I’ve been in quite a while; both mostly because of this person and me actually being who I am.)