And it’s gonna be the best year yet! Why? Because it just doesn’t have a choice. 😉
It’s doing a pretty good job so far…
Th first was pretty rough. It started out splendidly around midnight with my Dad and Sister asleep and my twin awake with me to call and text various people wishing them a Happy New Year. Then that day was hard on all four of us. Mostly because my Dad had an absolutely horrible day. But, I spent half an hour outside with The Twin and Sister while Dad was napping, which was REALLY nice, and something I hadn’t done in I don’t know how long. That evening we actually got to go to Youth Group at my Church, which was bittersweet because it was our current epic youth pastor’s last official day (something that NOBODY is fond of but happened anyway) and the night was a repeat of the morning as far as my Father’s attitude. I was staying nice and away from him so I didn’t say something I didn’t want to, because I was pretty darn close.
The next morning, Baby Girl woke up being really sick and we didn’t go home to my Mom until Noon. I started a new painting and did something that night that has definitely made this year the best year ever, so far. Let’s just say that happy doesn’t begin to describe how I feel about a certain situation. 😉 All I can say is huzzah for dizzy consciences that shouldn’t be listened to… Because sometimes they’ll just get in the way.
Tuesday was content for the most part. I had a major meltdown that night after belly dance because I’m terrified of a bunch of things. I’ve never been so aware of certain fears as I now am since becoming ridiculously happy on Monday. *sigh* But, I’m better now. 🙂
Yesterday was long… Kind of hard because I made the decision to stay at home instead of going to my Dad’s house. I had to ‘find my zen’, as my Mom says, and get school stuff ready for this semester, though.
I’m just trying to find a happy place and stay there. To decide to trust and be happy in the situations that I’m able. Because, no, I’m not going to start trusting my Dad again because he’s given me no reason to. He can’t tell me he’s going to stick around, and so I feel a need to protect myself somewhat from getting too close to him again because we all know he’s going to leave someday and not come back until it suits him.
BUT- I got the world handed to me when a Young Man said ‘yes’. He said that timing would be difficult, but he likes me and will go on a date with me even though his conscience was telling him to think about it. Everything we are will always take work to make it work; it will take not just saying we like each other, but acting on it. And I can’t think of a person I’d be happier to do that with. He makes it worth it. 🙂
My Official New Year’s Resolution- To focus always on the positive, protect myself *just enough against the negative, go with the flow, not try to change those around me- finding a way to live WITH them instead of trying to live apart from them and to not be afraid to say and do the things that are needed when they are needed.
So, here’s to the best year EVER! Even if it ends on December 21, it’s going to be one to remember… One to remember, hopefully, for the better and not the worse. May you all find peace, love and joy in 2012. ❤