When not slowing down messed everything up


Remember this? “Well…  I’m apparently really good at falling for someone way too quickly if I decide I like them…  And it makes me kind of afraid that this friendship that currently makes me rather happy is going to put me back in a place I don’t want to be this soon.”  Well, I was right.  I liked him and it made him uncomfortable, so he took away the shot he was going to give us before I even had a chance.  And I don’t know what the alternative is.  The way I was with him is just the way that I am.  When I like a guy, and they seem to share the feeling, which I honestly thought he did at least a little bit, then I really really like them.  And it doesn’t happen that much.  But it’s always ended the same…  With an “I’ve been leading you on.  I want to be friends.  I just can’t be more.”  The alternative to me falling so hard, though, is closing myself off and building up these walls to the possibility of someone liking me (which, honestly, I think is where this boy was at himself), and I would rather be hurt a million times over than do that.  I just wish a guy would seriously like me back for once.  I am hurt and I am confused.  And “I just wasn’t comfortable with you liking me so much” just doesn’t seem like a very good reason for calling everything off.  I don’t even understand how that feeling is even possible.

In Hope,

Me ❤

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