When Life Runs in Seasons


It’s the season of grande adventure…  Spinning so fast that I’m a mess of exhilarated cluelessness.

It’s a season of searching….  Of tentatively reaching my hand out to feel what my eyes are to blind to see.

It’s a season of growing…  Discovering that, alongside the wonders of new found freedom, is unnecessary heartache and manipulation which, I am sad to say, has sometimes been unintentionally perpetrated by me.

It’s a season of slowing down…  Of craving contact and of desperately wanting love.  But it’s also a season of not wanting to take the chance of being vulnerable…  Not again.  Not yet.

That last part…  It kind of bothers me.  I am doubting the nature of potential love or attraction between myself and someone else.  I am doubting that there will ever be someone who can look at me and see not only a good friend, but a good something more.  I am doubting my ability to really be myself with someone.  I am doubting things I do not like to doubt.  I am looking straight at someone who’s very attractive and practically despised by my best friend.  I see someone else who I’ve barely met, and he’s someone I want to know and am scared to want to know, because what if I talk to him in writing and he just sees me as awkward in person?  I am looking at a dear friend who I have broken because I was terrified of losing him.  And I am looking back on a first love, and a fatally fast attraction.  It is a season of standing here.  Waiting.  Lonely.  Wanting.  Loving.  It is a season of being terrified of love in a beautifully crazy way.

Me

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One Response to When Life Runs in Seasons

  1. Pingback: Chapter Two (or maybe that’s closer to 27) | Comments Welcome on the Oddities of Me

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