An Open Letter to Half the World which I’ll Never Understand


Dear men, 

It’s come to my attention that I express this poorly, so let’s clear things up. I think the lot of you are generally pretty awesome.

I love phone conversations probably more than you do, but not because it’s easier to talk (usually I can get more meaningful words in your writing than your voice). I love them because hearing you talk is worth the loss in weighty conversation. Knowing I’m the cause of a happy laugh is worlds above and beyond reading lol or haha. Hearing the random nuances and stories of your life is something I enjoy. And, ya know something, I enjoy seeing you in person even more than talking to you on the phone. If you’re one of the few guys I make a point to talk to, it means I enjoy talking with you. Even if I’m desperate for conversation, I’m not gonna initiate conversation if I don’t think you, and all of your obnoxious ways, are worth me putting myself out there and risking the rejection. If you’re not somebody I make a point to talk to, though, strike up a conversation with me (this goes for ladies, too)! It’ll make my day.

You all do things that drive me up a wall, but, for the most part, those problems stem back to the fact that you’re not female, so I have a hard time “getting” you sometimes. With that in mind, what I honestly can’t stand, gender difference aside, is when you don’t put very much value in our friendship. I *know* when you’re ending a conversation with me because you feel like you have better things to do. And it hurts something like Hell. If you’re gonna talk to me, then for heaven’s sake mean it for more than just getting information out of me. And don’t even think about flattery if you’re guilty. It will only make me hate the fact that I love you.  And do us all a favor, gentlemen, and don’t say things like “I want to like you, but I just can’t” or “as time passed, I decided kissing you was a bad idea”.  It makes you look like an ass.  Also, withholding conversation because you’re not getting what you want is a low move.

Trust me, though, you rock. I know you don’t believe me, but my life would be less awesome without you in it.  Know it and don’t abuse it.

On my end, I have been guilty of preaching the dangers of regressive language yet not practicing the refrain.  For that I apologize.  I will endeavor to tone down my vocalizations of how I think your gender is obtuse, and will only call you annoying and obnoxious when it’s true. 

Much love (platonically or otherwise),

Me 

P.S. – Trouble, yes you were the inspiration.  Don’t get cocky.  I really do enjoy talking to you.  The banter is quite relieving.  If you decide to give as much as you get, we should do it again.  

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2 Responses to An Open Letter to Half the World which I’ll Never Understand

  1. rea says:

    Amendment:
    “And do us all a favor, gentlemen, and don’t say things like “I want to like you, but I just can’t” or “as time passed, I decided kissing you was a bad idea”. It makes you look like an ass.”
    That was uncalled for. It was actually kind of unintentionally mean. Those things aren’t the best things you can say to a woman. I’ll change it to that and leave it there.

  2. rea says:

    Nah, it makes you look like an ass. Don’t say it like that. I’ll love you anyway, but crappy communicating should be called out.

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